3-31-03 - 1


Often when I'm alone, I wish I was with friends. Often, when I'm with friends, I wish I was alone.


3-24-03 - 2


One of the more horrible feelings I've had since the war started is when I feel little moments of pride over the American military machine. I immediately surpress them - but for a moment there, when I see those videos of planes flying at 10,000 feet and putting cross-hairs on a specific truck and then watching it explode - a shiver goes down my spine, my hairs rise on the back of my neck, I get a slight erection, I feel awe and fear and pride over the fearsome power of the American military machine. Then I shudder and shake it off, but I know that it's only a few little microbes in my brain that prevent me from being really taken by such things. I too could be satisfied by bravado, excited by the power of being able to take the life of other men. Military men scare me, because they are like the childish violent part of me, and I know that part of me is not to be trusted.

3-24-03 - 1


I've been thinking about how random it is when two people get together. We have some many little encounters with other people that never go anywhere - who's to say that wasn't your "soul mate"? When you do find someone you really connect with, you think "wow, how did I find this one person in this town of millions?". But of course, you didn't really talk to all those millions. Maybe you talked to a thousand of them. So really, your lover was the best fit for you of all the thousand people you actually met. There are probably thousands more people in any major city that fit you better, just by statistics. So, the next time you look over at your lover, think "why the hell are we two together?" - probably because you both don't want to be alone, and you can tolerate each other. I'm feeling very romantic today.


3-18-03 - 1


I want to live more like the internet. I want to talk like a blog. I am a super highway.


3-13-03 - 2


Back from the GDC and Indie Jam. The Indie Jam was rocking. I made two games, we all had a blast, got to play the games more this year. Met new cool developers, the guys from GameLab and the wise physicist Atman Binstock. Always good to hang out with Hecker and Casey and Blow and Sean and the Ion Storm guys. I was *wasted* exhausted after the Jam, but I got better.

3-13-03 - 1


The other day we were talking at work, and realized that the government running a deficit is an elaborate way to pump money from the poor to the rich. (actually, more like the middle class to the ultra-rich). The deal goes like this :

When the government runs a deficit, it's covered by loans. Those loans come from various places; private individuals buying government bonds, other governments, but the vast majority comes from large financial instutions. The loans are usually in the form of something like a "Treasury Bill" (T-Bill) where the investor "buys" some amount of debt, and is gauranteed payment in some amount of time, at some return, usually something like 6% after 1 year. The reason that financial institutions buy T-Bills is because they provide profit. So, the financial instution is making money. Where did that money come from? Well, when the T-Bill term is up, the government has to pay it. They pay for it by taking more loans, and also by using their available resources. Eventually, (let's assume), the government must return to a debt-free state, so they must pay off all their loans. To do this, they have to cover not only the original loan amount, but also the interest. This basically done through taxes. The result is that taxes are being used to directly pay profit to financial institutions.

So, money is coming in from all over the populace; most of that money actually comes from the middle class. Money is going out to the financial institutions, which means it's going into the pockets of the very rich. This is relying on a funny bit of tax distribution - the very rich take in the vast majority of investment income, but the middle class pays the majority of taxes. For example, if you took all the tax income and then redistributed it based on the amount of money you had invested, the money would continuously transfer upward in the income scale, which of course is exactly what is happening all the time.

old rants