3/20/2014

03-20-14 - GDC 2014 Intermezzo

The logical conclusion :

Congratulations on your new baby girl! Your delivery medical costs are free, but your baby has been implanted with advertisement-delivering contacts.

Congratulations on your new baby girl! Your delivery medical costs are free, but we will take 1% of all your child's pay forever.

Of course it is your choice. No one is forcing you. It's a free market system. You can opt out if you pay $10 million immediately.

Lots of people are talking about VR, but I have yet to hear anybody talk about what will actually sell VR, which is porn. I'm also interested in VR skype. The easiest way to do remote VR would be to have a robotic camera at the remote site that mimics your head movements. eg. I could have a robotic camera with my baby, and when I move around my room, the camera over there moves the same way, so it is as if I am there. (I miss my baby!) But there are practical problems with that (oops the robotic arm camera killed my baby again) so better solutions are needed. I'm sure you could record "VR video" in a room with all the walls covered in cameras (perhaps plenoptic cameras, or z-cameras, but mainly just lots of them).

We came up with this : "Oodle puts your data on a diet. Effective from the first byte!" (good to the last dropped packet, etc.)

Offical cbloom rants disclaimer :

Despite the constant air of incontrovertibility, some of my rants are well thought out, tested, and fully-cooked. Others are not-quite-cooked musings. Do not base a major game production pipeline on my half-baked ranting! (!! (there are not enough excalamation points in the universe) !!)

In related news, coming to GDC 2015 panel session : How cbloom ruined my engine and delayed my game. Speakers who wish to contribute should contact yo momma.

Oh, also -

Can we just fucking abolish shaking hands as a culture? Not just at GDC but in general. My main concern at GDC is the fact that I get deathly ill every year because some fucker with a cold shakes my hand instead of saying "sorry I'm sick I won't shake your hand" (you asshole, wtf are you thinking, I can see you're obviously deathly ill and you're still holding out your hand to me?).

But even aside from that, hand shaking just sucks. It far too often goes bad.

No I don't need to feel your gross pudgy round blob of a hand. No I don't want to feel your clammy sweaty palm. If you feel the need to wipe your hand on your pants before offering it, then maybe just don't offer it. No I don't want to feel your sticky food encrusted hand. No I'm not impressed by how strong you are (stop crushing my hand you fucking small-dick-having macho low-self-esteem puffed up loser), and also no I don't enjoy your limp fingers-only handshake either.

There is a happy middle ground for a correct hand shake, and then we can pat ourselves on the back and feel good that we didn't epically fail at basic motor control and hygiene. Yay! But that rare reward is in no way worth all the bad times.

Fist bump?

(and no, the fists do *not* explode when they touch!! no no no!)

3 comments:

Fabian 'ryg' Giesen said...

Screw fist bumps! New rule: NO TOUCHING in the expo area.

The officially sanctioned way of greeting is the Bro Wave: one single, elegant, fabulous sweep of your appropriately glitter-encrusted arm. Ahem. In a totally manly way, of course. No homo!

Nino Mojo said...

Got sick last year after GDC. Got sick this year after GDC.

Fuck everybody.

cbloom said...

Indeed.

old rants