You're older when you have to do the math from your birth year to figure it out.
You're really old when you have to do the math and get it wrong.
You're really really old when you do the math, get it wrong, and insist you're right despite everyone else in the room telling you a different number.
Pooping baby looks like an alternating sequence of Angry Andy Richter :
and O-face Gollum :
(baby made me realize that Andy Richter looks just like a giant baby)
On TV you always hear people gushing about that "great baby smell" , like mmm let me stick my nose in and smell that baby. WTF there's no great baby smell. I suppose what those people like is the smell of Johnson&Johnson shampoo and baby powder (both of which are rather out of fashion now). In our house we always try to avoid scented products (the better to smell you by), so our baby gets none of those. The real natural baby smell is mainly sour milk. Milk vomit, milk spitup, milk poos, spilled milk. Yum. It's mixed in with a faint whiff of that really nasty toe-jam funk, because babies have all these awkward fat folds and no matter how thoroughly we bathe her, we seem to miss some fold or other that accumulates crud.
One of the baby diaper-changing suggestions is "make sure to wipe front to back so that you don't spread poo towards the genitals". Umm, have you ever seen a baby diaper? It's like someone set off a poo grenade in there; there's poo everywhere; it's leaking out the top of the diaper, it's way deep inside the vagina. Oh, let me carefully wipe all that poo from front to back, ok, that'll make it all fine.
Baby is finally starting to spend some time awake that's not just eating or burping. That's kind of nice, she is starting to make some more expressive "eh"'s ; the other day she head-tracked her mom across the room when she was hungry for the first time.
Before baby was born IC made this note to me that "babies are boring", that I thought was charmingly honest. Yep, it's true, babies are boring as fuck. Sure they're cute and all, but there's just endless hours of feeding, burping, rocking; yeah, yeah, baby I've seen your cute arm waving before, just go to sleep already so I can do something else. At first I was kind of trying not to watch TV while holding baby or just put her in a mechanical rocker, I thought it was better to engage and talk to her and play with her and such, but now I say fuck it, there's just too much time to kill.
There's a sort of Stockholm Syndrome with babies. They're so hard in the first few weeks, constantly demanding attention, that it makes you grateful when they do the most basic things. Like, oh great baby overlord, thank you so much for sleeping for 3 hours in the evening, we are so grateful for your kindness. It's like the classic dick boss/dad trick of being really shitty to people so that if you are just halfway decent they love you for it.