10/14/2012

10-14-12 - Ranting

We're staying in this cabiny rental in Paso Robles. I walk in the door and one of the first things I see is a sign in the kitchen saying "don't cut on the butcher block counter; if you spill wine please use stain remover; etc..". What the fuck is wrong with everyone !? It is mind boggling how bad you all are at life. (my ex-landlady had the same dumb rule about the butcher block). First of all, the whole point of butcher block counter is to cut on, you dumb suburban ladies see them in magazines and think it looks nice and don't actually understand them, but whatever even if you don't agree with that - don't put it in a fucking rental unit if you don't want people to cut on it, it's just so incredibly stupid, it's creating problems for yourself. Of course renters are going to use it in a reasonable way (eg. cut on it) not in your unreasonable uptight way. (it's particularly ridiculous here because it's a rustic cabiny thing with super-shitty home-improver home-depot fixtures; ooo wouldn't want to get a water mark on your plywood furniture ooo)

It sort of reminds me of all the terrible park designers who make these circuitous awkward paths such that the direct route to get through the park is straight through the greenery, and then put up signs saying "stay off the grass". If you wanted people to stay off the grass you should have put the path in the natural place to walk. Of course people are going to cut off your dumb artsy loop. It's not their fault for walking on the grass, they're not doing anything wrong, you did something wrong by building your paths dumbly.

Driving down I-5 to get here, you're on this seemingly endless straight flat stretch of highway; I spent the whole time thinking about what incredible morons everyone around me was. First of all, hardly anybody seems to use cruise control, so I'm going along at 70 and people keep passing me and then slowing down in front of me and such annoying shit. Dumbasses. Even the people who are reasonably adept at controlling a car are just such inconsiderate assholes. For example people would constantly pull out to pass me at like 71 mph when I'm going 70, which causes them to box me in on the left for like half an hour because it takes them so long to pass; inevitably some truck is in the right lane and I get trapped. It was so consistent that I started to just hold the left lane (which I hate to do and felt like an asshole) until another car proved to me that they were a decent human being (eg. would pass me quickly). I'm trying to be less curteous to strangers; my new rule is that you have to give me some kind of sign that you aren't a waste of oxygen before I get upset with myself for inconveniencing you. (it's not really working yet, I still instinctively get out of the way of assholes who are rudely barging through a crowd, etc)

Tasha and I have both gotten speeding tickets recently while passing, right in that brief moment when we sped up to get the pass over with quickly. Speeding tickets in general are obviously a farce, so this is no surprise, but it's completely absurd to suggest that you should pass without speeding. If someone is going 3 mph under the limit and you want to pass (in a 65 mph zone, and assuming you need 200 feet of clearance on each side to pass safely) it would take 1.64 miles to make the pass. Of course the safest way to make a pass is to get it over with as quickly as possible, eg. pop up to 90 mph briefly; in a reasonable world you should get a ticket for passing without speeding up enough (which I occasionally see and is very dangerous) (or of course for blocking up traffic and not pulling out).

Because I have a ticket I'm trying to be really careful and not speed at all, and it *sucks* god it sucks. It's not the speed I miss, I'm actually totally fine with just driving slowly for a while, it's the ability to get away from all the dumb fuckers out there. If you actually drive the speed limit everywhere, you are constantly surrounded by other cars and they are just constantly doing cock-ass-motherfucker things like changing lanes right into me without signalling so that I have to take evasive action, or just hanging out right in my blind spot and matching my speed, or speeding up to pull in front of me and then slowing down again, etc. etc. It's just awful driving in a pack. I actually think it was much safer when I was speeding, because I would use it to find empty spots on the freeway and just get alone. I also think it's a lot safer to always be slightly faster than the average traffic, because then it's all layed out in front of you for you to see, rather than buzzing around and coming up from behind. (obviously this is a local optimization not a global one) (I think that most drivers are not actually watching for other cars the way I do; that's why nobody but me seems to care about that fact that almost every modern car has absolutely horrid visibility. When I drive I know exactly where every car around me is, so that I can always make an evasive move without looking, because I know there's a space on my left or right.)

In other news of "my god everyone is so incredibly dumb" I had three retail experiences in a row with the exact same bizarre dumb interaction. I went to this gross mongolian wok place and asked the cashier for a "grilled pork bowl" and she looked at me like I had just said "blerkabootyppsh" , she was like "err, what is that?"; eventually I re-checked the menu and said "barbecue pork bowl" and she was like "oh, okay". Huh? What? You can't figure out that maybe that's what I meant? It's not a very hard puzzle, the only things you sell are "chicken bowl" , "pork bowl", and "beef bowl", so just because I put the wrong adjective in front shouldn't have blown your mind (and FYI it's actually grilled not barbecued); it's like there's just empty space behind those eyes.

The one that really boggles my mind is the constant level of stupidity in coffee shops; I ordered a doppio somewhere and the girl was like "err.. uhh.. do you mean a double espresso?" , uh yeah, you work in a fucking espresso shop and you've never heard of a doppio before? Of course it always kind of blows my mind the way people can do a job day after day and not be at all interested in learning about it or doing it well.

1 comment:

Aaron said...

This takes a herculean force of will to pull off, but: sometimes it's nice just to pull off the side of the road a chill for a bit. Esp if you're in a 'bad pulse' of traffic. Re-roll the dice and see if you get some slightly less shitty shitheads.

Alternatively you might consider just saying 'fuck it' regarding speeding tickets. Is it worth the mental cost to try to avoid them?

old rants