09-10-11 - You Fuckers

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Fucking cars that beep their horn when they lock & unlock is my latest nemesis. A quiet little chirp from a special-purpose speaker is sort of okay, though really it should come from the *key* not the *car* and it should be much quieter, the purpose is for the owner with the key to hear it, not the whole world (and you know, really if the key just had a separate lock & unlock button (not a state toggle) and flashed the lights, then it could avoid making any sound at all, which would be preferable). But many car makers have fucking cheaped out in the shittiest pettiest way. They thought hey, we already have a noise maker for the horn, we don't need to add another one to do the lock/unlock chirp, we'll just beep the horn and save a dollar per car. WTF, not okay. Try sitting outside a coffee shop in a strip mall, it's a fucking chorus of honking horns as people get in and out of their horrible cars, BEEP, BEEP BEEP, BEEP, ack, WTF. What if you drove in near where someone was sitting and just honked your horn for no reason? Do you think that would be okay? No, of course not, it would be a huge dick move, fucking honking your horn in a parking lot for no reason, but that is exactly what you're doing. Fucking hell.

Car alarms are fucking infuriating because I shouldn't have to be writing this. We all heard the comedians in the 80's (the guys who did "toilet seat up" and "what's the deal with airline food" and "I can't program my VCR") who did the jokes about "what's the point of a car alarm? it's just to annoy your neighbors; you're not actually running outside to see a crook when your alarm goes off? am I right people?" and we all laughed and though "ha ha he's right car alarms are pointless" - BUT THEN YOU KEPT BUYING THEM! Why !? You just laughed and recognized they serve no purpose but to annoy, so why do you keep buying them? Jesus christ.

(The worst case actually is riding the fucking ferries up here, where the vibration sets off lots of people's alarms, so you get a massive racket in the ferry, and then you get the loudspeaker doing "will the owner of a blue BMW please turn off their alarm", several times per trip)

Jet skis on lake washington are getting annoying. It's not that jet skis are inherently evil, it's that they attract massive douche bags. Jet ski owners (like Harley douchebags) seem to think it's cool to run them un-muffled making way too much noise. And of course they won't just go out to the middle of the lake, they have to come buzz the shore to show off, oo look at you on your douche-mobile, speeding around way too close to kayaks and sail boats, buy a fucking muffler and get away from non-motorized vehicles you fucking dick.

Sometimes when I'm sitting by the lake I imagine what it would be like if there no motor boats at all on the lake, only sail boats. Delightfully peaceful and picturesque. What if there was a green parkway all around the lake. What if there were cafes with outdoor tables and chairs. What if Seattle didn't dump its sewage in the lake? I feel like Seattle is one of the more naturally beautiful urban settings in the world, but we sort of waste it.


Viktor said...

Amen for the Harley douches.

If there's anything that pisses me off so much that I want to kill, it's the motorcycle idiots who deliberately modify their bikes to be as loud as possible. The Harley riders have their bikes like that by default. Makes no difference.

Wes Bigelow said...

Took a trip up to the Boundary Waters in Northern Minnesota when I was 15. Motorized boats are not allowed, so we had to canoe our way to the islands to camp on them. Zero noise besides nature, day or night.

levelofdetail said...

Living near a Harley factory that employs a significant portion of the population means I am in hell. The worst though is bikers with their stereo cranked to 11 so they can hear it over their engines.

Per Vognsen said...

There's a Kirkland douchebag in an orange Lambo who keeps ping-ponging back and forth along Lake Street every time I go running there. Occasionally he will slow down and then unclutch and rev the motor. Fucking douche. And I'm sure he's gotta be some fat balding middle-aged Microsoft millionaire.

cbloom said...

I don't mind the car revs as long as they've got their stock exhaust on (since it's reasonably quiet by law), but most of those fuckers have taken their mufflers off or in some other way crippled the baffling.

You fucking morons. You just brought your Lambo down to the level of a fart-can Honda. It doesn't sound good, it sounds like your exhaust system is broken. Engine noise sounds good, exhaust noise just sounds like you need to go to Midas you tasteless fucker. Get a god damn muffler.

IvyMike said...

I also have my doubts about car alarms, but my insurance company gives me a discount for having one, so there ya go.

old rants