8/22/2011

08-22-11 - Dicks are Rewarded

Sitting out in the lovely warm evening at a restaurant the other day, I beheld this scene :

The outdoor tables are somewhat limitted and obviously desirable. A few people are sort of milling around the hostess in a disorganized line when a table becomes available. One of the guys just walks out of the line and sits down at the table (you're supposed to wait to be seated). His girlfriend doesn't follow because she knows it's wrong and he says "come on, just sit down, we'll tell the hostess we took it".

The point of this story is not what happens next (spoiler : they get the table and the worst consequence to them is some lifted eyebrows). It's that the *worst* possible outcome would be if someone said something and they had to go back in line like everyone else. That makes it only +EV, there's no -EV line. The waiters and hostess are generally too accomodating to say anything, everyone else in line is too much of a pussy, so even the zero-EV line rarely occurs for the violator.

Once in a rare while in these kind of situations I will say something; I was in sort of a vague line at a grocery store the other day and someone cut in front of me and I was like "umm, there is a line" and they got in - but that's just the outcome that they would have gotten if they were not a dick!! it's no penalty, there is only reward for being a dick.

I guess taking 20 items to the 8 item or less line is the simplest example; I have witnessed it many times and never once have I seen any checker or other patron say anything, and even if they did it would just mean waiting in line like a normal person. To really make things right you need to take his groceries and smash them in his face. People would call you "psycho" or something but in reality you're just trying to ensure the probability-weighted cost-benefit of being a dick is negative.


Not exactly the same, but related, I'm very annoyed/jealous by/of people who can be dicks without even being aware of it. They take so much benefit from the world because dicks always win (or at least break even).

The other day I was sitting in the park enjoying another lovely warm evening when some guys started playing football. They were outrageously bad at it, like just throwing long bombs with absolutely no control, running all over the place right through other people. Everyone was giving them the stink eye, but they were just laughing, loving it.

You bastards. When I play sports in the park I am hyper aware of all the people who are annoyed by it, and I'm super careful to carve out a little patch where it's highly unlikely that an errant throw will impinge on someone's peaceful park sitting. And even though I am super careful and considerate about that, I still get stink-eyes from dumb fuckers who decide to sit and read right in the middle of the play field, curse all of you people and your indiscriminate stink-eyes.

2 comments:

Thatcher Ulrich said...

Console yourself in the knowledge that the dick at the restaurant has spit in his food.

Autodidactic Asphyxiation said...

It's dicks, all the way down.

old rants