I really don't like interacting with human beings very much. I wish I could have sanctuary where I was alone in my own environment with no fucking headaches and annoyances from outside forces.
Sometimes I think about moving out to the country so I can get a bunch of land and not have to see any neighbors, but my god country people are fucking unbearable. I don't mind the fact that they have very simple tastes - cheap beer, country music, muscle cars - but they're just rotten human beings, they are not generous of spirit and wide of mind. They give you dirty looks if you're an outsider; if you tell them their joke about date rape is offensive they say "what are you a fag or somethin?". They're the worst. Yes I'm talking about you Pomeroy.
Of course the are the country towns that have been colonized by retirees or "artists", liberal types from the city who now run a bead boutique and give dirty passive aggressive looks to anyone who hasn't made their house "quaint" enough. They're almost as bad as the real country folk.
N and I took a trip out to Eastern WA over the weekend and saw many striking and beautiful things. It gets bloody well hot and dry out there so I think it was just about the last chance to do it in comfort, so I'm glad we did. Probably best to go out there in May, which is their spring. We still got a lot of fresh spring greenery and a lot of wild flowers, but I do think we were a week or two late. We have an amazing knack of finding surprising off-the-map beautiful things together, it's almost magical, like we will suddenly decide to take some side road that we hadn't noticed before and sudden we are in a strange different world of purple flowers and intense wind and rippling alfalfa.
I really despise commuting. For a while there the novelty of the new car made it okay again, but it's back to being just awful. The past few weeks I've been working mainly from home because I had a nice productive spurt and just wanted to go with it and knock out some code. Commuting just puts me in such a foul mood that I lose hours of productivity afterward before I can simmer down and think again, and then when I come home it sets me off again, such that when I get home N usually asks "what's wrong with you?" , oh I just fucking hate everyone and I'm really depressed about how fucking shitty humanity is because I had to drive with them, that's all.
I just don't know if I can function in this world. Sometimes I think about buying a house and having a stable job and a family and all that, but that life involves working regular hours and commuting and shit like that and I just don't think I can do it.