2/25/2010

02-25-10 - Espresso Girls

Seattle is now (in)famous for its bikini espresso stands. The five risque Everett Grab-N-Go baristas that were charged with prostitution are about to go on trial. The prostitution charged is based on showing their bits and performing some mild acts when the police tossed money at them, which apparently was common practice. Also common apparently was a game of "tip basketball" where girls would hold their bra or thong open to make a basket that patron would throw at from their car window.

We were in the national news for this before, back when Yakima banned thongs and see-through dresses for women ; it was a draconian across the board anti-thong law brought on by espresso stands. Several other area cities have passed laws limiting exposure and individual girls have been charged before for wearing only a thong and X-shaped pasties for example.

Apparently sexy espresso stands are a booming business and lord knows it isn't for the espresso ; Seattle is known for its coffee quality, but the swill that 99% of Seattleites drink is roughly on par with a Denny's coffee. Yes your downtown urban hipster foodie metrosexual will only buy beans that were grown in the shade under Juan Valdez' mustache, but the fat pasty turds in the suburbs just want some caffeine and sugar.

Of course the coffee girls are becoming minor internet celebrities and we can predict a coffee girls pay nudie site to pop up any day now. I'm sure all the news attention is only helping business; newspapers love these stories because it gives them an excuse to post girlie pictures.

I for one am totally in favor of the lascivious espresso stand. I have yet to actually see one myself; I guess they're all out in the far suburbs. Lord knows living in Puyallup or Everett is an excruciating punishment to all the sad sappy fucks who slog through life in the rainy styx - let them have a little T&A with their caffeine to brighten their day. It's a little odd that you're allowed to get high on chemical stimulants to your heart's content, but god forbid you look at a little flesh.

This is the fall of the roman empire! Live it up! I find it sad that for all our excess and indulgence and commercialism and connoisseurism , the pleasures that we are allowed to explore are so tightly bound and formulaic. Americans are absurdly rich, so much so that we basically make up trends in order to find ways to waste money, because we just can't come up with enough ways to waste money in the world. So we have created the whole "foodie" movement so that there is now plenty of $50 olive oil for you to waste money on, and we created the wine movement so you can waste money on $100 bottles - these are our pleasures, we summon the finest goods from all over the world back to Rome to satisfy us. But it's almost entirely limited to tastebuds. What about the sense of touch? What about sex, nudity? Our society is so puritanical and boring.

Furthermore, with the decline of the American education system and the laziness of wealth, what else are these girls supposed to do? They have no skills, there are no manual labor jobs for them to work in. The average American is destined for a life in a service industry, providing some sort of pleasure to the rich overlords. Let the young girls make money from their bodies before they get droopy and are forced into a life of foot massage or real estate sale makeovers.

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old rants