12-15-09 - Gifts

I've always struggled with buying gifts for people, and particularly for girls. Obviously buying gifts for little kids is easy and fun, because they have no money and aren't picky, and also because their parents buy them all the essentials in life, so you can buy them just frivolous things. Also I love that little kids don't get all the pressure and obligations of adult gift giving, and I despise it when the parents force them on the kid. I love it when you see a little kid gets a sweater for christmas or something and the kid is like "aww I wanted power rangers" and the mom is like "now say thank you". Fuck that, don't say thank you, it's a shitty gift for a kid, be honest.

I love getting gifts myself, but I almost never actually like the *object* that the gift is. I don't like decorative objects cluttering my spaces, I don't like electronics or gadgets, I don't like unnecessary kitchen tools. 99% of the time if I actually wanted some item, I would have bought it for myself already. But I still love gifts that show the intent of the gift-giver, something that shows time and thought. I can cherish the gift and then immediately throw the object in the trash, that doesn't diminish the value of the gift.

The thing that makes me feel so awkward giving gifts is the impression that the actual object has to be treasured. I hate it when you buy someone something, and then they feel like they have to use it all the time when you're around to show how much they appreciate it. Fuck that, just do what you want, the usefulness of the object is not the point.

In the past I've generally bought major items for girls that they need, functional objects, often very valuable ones, but functional objects like bicycles, laptops, cameras, furniture, etc. are not what they really want, especially not from their lover, they're disappointed, and it's a missed opportunity for wooing. They want stereotypical girly gifts like jewelry, dresses, all that shit, but I just can't bring myself to buy that shit because A) my taste in it sucks so I'm sure to buy bad things, and B) it's just such an overpriced ripoff that I'm opposed to that entire market segment and don't want to support it. Back when I was young I used to buy girls expensive jewelry and dresses and whatnot, and they would wear them for me even though they sucked, and I just felt mortified, so embarassed for the both of us.

While I'm on the topic, gift certificates are absolutely disgusting. You embarass yourself and everyone involved when you buy a gift certificate. For one thing, it shows you really don't care about the person at all, it's such an obligatory gift. In fact it's often just a punishment to the person because it forces them to go out to some store they didn't really want to go to. It's also just offensive in a capitalistic market sense because they are a pure destruction of utility. They take money and turn it into something less valuable. You don't just give cash to someone because it's crass and thoughtless, but really a gift certificate is much more crass and much more thoughtless.

You can't ever buy anyone clothes, even if you have great taste clothing is all about the fit on the person. Back when I was young, I bought girls lingerie; that's a big mistake too. It sounds like a good idea, it sounds sexy and romantic, you buy them lingerie, they put it on for you, and then it fits weird and you both feel awkard and embarassed, you're trying to pretend that they look great but you can't stop thinking about how the fabric is pinching or bunching all wrong.


Rouge said...

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cbloom said...

How amusing, I got adver-commented. Not.

I will use this opportunity to rant about HOW FUCKING RETARDED it is that blogger intentionally does not allow you to ban users from commenting from a blog. WTF.

If they went to the next step and allowed users to be globally "flagged" and thus blocked from all blogs it would start to help us clean up the net.

But of course Google doesn't actually want a clean internet. They LIKE the fucking nonsense internet that's full of irrelevent advertising trolls, because of course that's how they make their money. (not directly from adver-comments of course, but from annoying advertisements in general)

Aaron said...

Gift giving could be easy. Here's how you do it. Everyone make a list of shit they want for NEXT christmas (birthday, whatever), then seal it off. In a year they will have forgotten what's in it. Do it registry-style, so you don't get duplicates.

A woman who is really comfortable in the relationship won't bat an eyelash at just exchanging jewelry etc for stuff they really like. I generally make a good faith effort and know that chances are 75% it'll get exchanged. But once in a while I get lucky.

The really best gifts come from paying attention though. Catching that hint that your partner dropped in May, remembering it, and showing up with that thing in December.

I'm having a really hard time not clicking on the French Maids Costume. Oh, and w. t. f.

cbloom said...

At least that Fiona costume is adult size; I was expecting it was for kids since it's at Toys R Us !

KissTheGoat said...

Gift certificates, if they're for a store that's welcome (you happen to know) can be welcomed; cash would sit in their wallet, they might feel guilty about using it on an indulgence, where a gift certificate can only be used for that. It frees them from that conflict.

old rants