12/04/2009

12-04-09 - Sexual Bullshit

I'm so sick of reading the liberal codescending media about embracing "kinks" and the idea that any sexual behavior is okay if you're open about it with your partner. Bullshit.

First of all, all sorts of weird sex acts with your partner are wonderful. Go nuts. That's basically never what "kink" is about. Kink is really not about sex at all. It's about creating weird little role plays and fixed scenarios that satisfy some emotional defect in your fucked up little brain. People in S&M think they are "a top". No you're not. You're a fucking loser in real life who was maybe beaten as a child or some shit and you feel out of control in the real world, so you want to create a phoney scenario where you can be in charge and dominate someone else. It's not a "healthy kink" it's a fucking mental derangement. Granted it's a pretty harmless derangement, unlike molesting children or voting Republican, but it's not a healthy alternative behavior. Similarly with "furries" , etc. etc. - being a furry is not a healthy alternative sexual lifestyle, it's fucking deranged and clearly indicates serious psychological issues that should really be worked on, not accepted. (in this discussion there's a big distinction between people who just *play* at being a top/bottom/furry/scatologist/necrophiliac/whatever vs. identifying that way as a major part of their personality and/or only being able to have sex in that character). (you could say similar things about Japanese guys who are into Bukkake or rape simulations ; no that's not a "deviant" or "alternative" sexual taste, it's fucking sick and reflective of distortions in society which is making their minds so broken).

Similarly with "polyamory" ; the modern permissives like Dan Savage like to spout this bullshit about how having many simultaneous long term sex partners is perfectly fine as long as you're honest with your partners. Yes, it's certainly better than cheating, but let's not kid ourselves. Someone who identifies as long-term polyamorous is a fucking sicko (if you've actually met any, you know they are always *creepy*, like they have those googly eyes and they stand way too close and touch too much), and it's generally manipulative and abusive of their partners. The partners don't want their lover to be polyamorous, they feel like they have to agree to it or lose them; someone in a long term relationship will develop emotional ties and hopes. It's indulging in personal pleasure at other's expense, which is reprehensible. Dan and others perpetuate this liberal claptrap that the other person should "just say so" if they don't like it. That's ridiculous, just because someone doesn't speak up doesn't mean the abuse is okay.

That's not to say that I think these things are horrible. We're all human and have our flaws and weaknesses. If you have a derangement and you can channel it into a behavior that satisfies your insanity and doesn't hurt others, good job, that's better than a lot of "normal" behavior like the guys who go out and get drunk and pick fights in bars, or the girls who go out and get drunk and fuck a random guy, or the parents who repress and yell at their kids, all of which are standard good american bible belt practices and are much more destructive than being a cross dresser or whatever west coast "kink". But let's call a spade a spade - it's weird.

5 comments:

Davide Pasca said...

...hooold it.. about Japanese being "fucking sick" because of the freedom to fantasize.. I have two words for you: crime rate.
Every society is weird in its own ways. But Japanese are too easily picked on. To me, the well accepted U.S. Army game is a lot more evil.
Rape games may be disgusting but are not meant to provide a view of reality nor are they trying to recruit killing machines (an effective soldier is one that does not esitate to kill... the enemy).

billyzelsnack said...

I guess I have googly eyes!

cbloom said...

". I have two words for you: crime rate."

You're way off topic. I agree that violent depravity in general is far worse than sexual depravity, however rape fantasies (and really the way women are treated in porn in general) is actually a form of violence, not a form of sex. I also think that non-judgementalism is a kind of cop out and sick behavior is not excused by the existence of even sicker behavior.

nothings said...

rape is about control and violence, not sex.

but i don't think it follows that rape fantasies are about control, not sex.

brian said...

I only occasionally read your blog so here I am leaving comments on old posts.

Morin's "The Erotic Mind" and Bader's "Arousal" are both pretty good books on the subject of sexual fantasy written from the perspective of practicing psychotherapists. So they're in that realm of taking case study data and extrapolating, but not like Gladwell who hears one story and suddenly it's a unified theory of life, they're a bit more restrained.

Billy's the one person I know (well, two - him and Janel) who are polyamorous and seem balanced. I'd say the risk with polyamory and the difficulty I've seen with couples that apply it is that it only works if both partners are actually fully on board with it, and one isn't kind of acquiescing under a sense of pressure from the other. Every other situation I've seen, that's the real deal, and so it ends up being that the couple is polyamorous... except one partner never sleeps with anyone else, and would really, deep down, prefer it if the other one didn't either.

The thing about kink to me is that, for whatever reason, sex is this special case activity that requires a much greater sense of psychological safety than just about anything else we do, so it's one of the better places to look at the funny gymnastics our minds engage in to generate that sense of safety.

I agree with you that kink tends to originate from a place of non-acceptance, like it's one of the more visible manifestations of all our neuroses, our psychological knots. So the kink itself is healthy in the sense that it's just a manifestation. Nobody's saying kinky people are not neurotic. But the exercise, expression, etc are healthy in the sense that, experienced fully, they can be therapeutic, and often are one of the few visible methods of approach for working with otherwise very well-defended (heavily repressed, deeply denied, intensely self-loathed) aspects of ourselves.

That's my perspective (and no doubt the years of working with western psychoanalysis are speaking there too.)

old rants