09-28-09 - Clubs

We went out to a club for Decibel Fest. A few thoughts :

One is : my god, most DJ's fucking suck so bad. All you have to do is play some banging tracks and string them together smoothly and the crowd will be happy. That's just the basics. Anything above that is gravy, but instead people try to be fancy and unique and just fuck it all up with long silent pauses and crazy annoying screeching noises or long breaks where the beat disappers. WTF DJs get your shit together. I have zero experience but I'm sure I could do better with about 24 hours prep to get tracks together and just fucking play them on my laptop and do beat-matches crossfades. The headliners were the Wighnomy Brothers who I guess are pretty famous and reputed, but good god they sucked balls and it took a real force of internal positive energy for us to keep the good vibes cranking.

(of course you see the same thing in coding all the time; it's a classic blunder for people to assume that the obvious easy solution is not good enough. To accelerate a lookup, of course you should just use std::hash_map and spend your energy making sure you use it well and have a decent hash_function for it, instead people will right off the bat jump into making a custom structure which is much worse in many ways, slower and buggy. Almost all the time you should just take the simple obvious solution and focus on executing it well rather than trying to be really different).

The other is : my god Seattle fucking sucks so bad. The people here are fat and ugly, they don't dress up, everyone's wearing flannel and jeans and they're all beardy and sweaty and gross and worst of all, they're not dancing, they just fucking stand around and act all emo. God you all suck so bad. Fucking make an effort, go to the gym, dress up, and just have fun and dance. It's very comfortable here, it's easy, and I have a nice life and I like my friends here, so some times I get lulled to sleep and forget how lame it really is. Whenever I try to go out to the clubs it reminds me how much I miss SF. I miss the crazy Saturday night at the The Transfer (which I guess is gone) where the gays and the hipsters and all the wacky people from the neighborhood would come together in a tiny space and get all sweaty and dance like their life depended on it to awesome cutting edge indie electro that was smoothly mixed and always pumping.

I think a lot of people who try going out and don't like it have the wrong attitude about it. It's never going to be some amazing extravaganza that whisks you off your feet. It's always what you make of it. It's also not a big deal on any given night. If it sucks, just bail out, and who cares. It's way more fun if you just go to check things out, if you like it then kick it, if not, then leave and go somewhere else or try another night.

I also ran into another aggressive skeezer and wish I would have handled it differently. This is a very common occurance because clubs are infested with a virulant swarm of skeezers; it's happened several times with various different girlfriends in the past. The basic move of the skeezer is something like this - they come up to your girlfriend ostensibly to ask some question or make some "funny" comment, and they use the excuse of the club noise to stand way too close, and often even put an arm around her waist as they whisper in her ear. Often they will even hold her close so that her boob pushes into their body. They act all casual and small-talky, but they blatantly ignore the fact that you're standing right there and pull some dominance game bullshit. My usual lamer reaction is to give them the stink eye and subtly pull my girlfriend away from them after it's clear they're sticking way too close for way too long (they try to stick like velcro so it often takes a push to their chest to actually get them to separate). But it always takes me a minute or two to react because I spend the first minute in a state of shock thinking "WTF, really?". Anyway, I wish I'd just punched the guy straight in the nose. Or maybe not that, but perhaps grab him by the ear and pull him off her. Fucking skeezers.

I've also never in my life actually seen a girl step up and tell the guy to back off herself, like "hey easy with the hands bub", they always just laugh uncomfortably and take it because they don't want to turn it into a big deal. The skeezer exploits people's inertia and desire to be polite and unwillingness to escalate to a confrontation. Yeah, the skeezer's invasion of space and subtle groping is not a huge issue, so it's easy to just let it slide, but that's exactly his intention, that's how he gets you. It's like the guys who are subtle dicks to you, they drop half-joking put-downs, they try to slide right under the edge where it's not a big enough deal for you to say anything about it, and then they keep pushing that edge farther. Of course all the crooked corporations do the same thing, they charge you little fees here and there, they take away your rights and stick you with contract provisions, each one of them is too small for you to get too bothered about, so you just sit there and take it like a little bitch.

On a tangent, if you're a girl you should know the probability of a guy talking to you is directly proportional to his skeezitude. Obviously this creates a very bad sampling bias if you're trying to meet good human beings. It's pretty much a 100% gaurantee of skeeze if he touches you while talking to you. Most girls find it entertaining when the skeezer jokes with them and touches them, they like the fact that he's showing interest in them, making them feel desirable, they like the fact that he's energetic and seems to get the attention of many people in the room. I don't mean to imply that girls are unique in their failure to appreciate population filtering and sampling bias; I haven't met many guys who apply logic to probabilistic human selection in dating.

ADDENDUM : Seattle is the only place in the US I've ever seen people line up for drinks at a bar. It's really bizarre to me and I think emblematic of the repressed weirdness of this city. Like you have a long empty bar with a few bar tenders behind it. Normal behavior in 99% of the US is just to go up to the bar at any empty spot and make yourself visible to the bartender. The bartender sort of notices who got up to the bar first and will serve people first-come first-serve (or some approximation thereof).

In Seattle, people go up to the spot on the bar with the rubber pad and just stand there. If someone else wants a drink they stand behind that person. If a bunch want a drink, an actual line forms, like people waiting to order drinks at a coffee shop or something. It's incredibly bizarre. It freaks me out every time I see it.

I despise Toby Young but I thought it was pretty awesome that he was saying "pie ella" for paella.

WTF it's simply impossible to buy fish in Seattle. So far as I can tell there are only two places that carry even edible fish : Uwajimaya and Mutual Fish. Mutual Fish closes at 5:30 , Uwajimaya closes at 6:30 , neither of which I can make on my way home. (so far as I can tell the Uwajimaya fish counter actually closes at 7:00 but any time I've been there after 6:30 they're already shutting down and don't want to be bothered).


cbloom said...
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Thatcher Ulrich said...

Could you try this: sidle up to the skeeze on the other side, put your arm around his waist all gentle-like, and whisper "how are your anal herpes?" too quiet for him to hear, so you have to say it again and again until the music stops and you are shouting.

old rants