9/11/2009

09-11-09 - Quit wrecking things

Levi's redesigned the 501 around 2003 and called it "The Original 501" and ruined it. (not only did they switch to much cheaper materials and worse stitching, but they also ruined the cut and fit of it, it's all bunchy and saggy now and fits bigger). (and god damn you and your fucking abuse of a product id number - if it's a different product, change the damn number). (ADDENDUM : if anyone knows where I can find a model-year 2000 501 in 34x34 let me know; yes yes I've tried ebay but as usual the damn retarded sellers don't label their products clearly so I can't tell what models they're selling, they just write "used 501" which is fucking useless - *which* 501 ?).

Some car-designer jackass decided a key in the ignition was too fucking simple and decided we should have to push a button too, and that turn signals you actually deflect and lock into place was way too obvious and clear and instead they should just be deflection buttons which toggle some invisible state variables.

And now Melitta has ruined the most beautiful and simple coffee making device in the world :

The Melitta single cupper dripper is an icon of product design. It's simple, elegant, straightforward, and works marvelously. I make better coffee with a Melitta dripper than anyone else in the world has ever made. It's a perfect product. There's absolutely no reason to change it.

So of course, they had to redesign it. We now get this monstrosity :

This thing is such fucking balls. For one thing, it's an eyesore. It has crazy swooping lines that don't flow and it's all off balance. It hurts me just to look at it. Functionally, it is worse in every way. The base of the cone is suspended up higher above the brim of the cup, which makes it very top heavy and easier to tip (tipsiness was the only flaw of the original product, so good job on making that even worse). It's got these stupid windows that are to let you see into the cup I guess, but their actual function is to let steam out so your coffee cools as you drip it. And it's got no fucking handle, you have to grab it by the dumb curved lip, which puts your fingers right next to the steaming hot coffee.

You fucking morons. Stop taking your products that are perfect and making them fucking suck. It might be my biggest pet peeve of all when people take something good and intentionally and willfully make it suck (like when people take delicious sweet potatos that would be marvelous if you just did absolutely nothing at all to them and tossed them in the oven, but instead they boil them into tasteless mush and then coat them with marshmellows and bullshit and turn them into disgusting insipid candy filth).

I'm tempted to turn into this weirdo hermit pack-rat. When I find a product that hasn't been ruined by the fucking feature adders or the redesigners, I want to just buy up a lifetime supply and put it in a storage locker.

In positive product review news :

I went camping the last fews days and wore my new "smart wool" shirts and sweatshirt. It rained quite a bit and I got soaked, and the wool did exactly what it's supposed to - dried easily and stayed warm when wet. It's all natural, it feels nice, it's not all crinkly and plastic and bullshit like most modern outdoor gear, it's moss and dirt and animals and sex. I haven't gone in for the wool underwear yet like the Rivendell loons , but given the great success of the wool shirts I just might.

In other "god fucking damnit" news, the dickwad morons who lived in this house before me were subscribed to like every catalog known to man. Of course the post office won't forward or even stop delivering catalogs that aren't addressed to me (I talked to my mail man personally too). Of course the dickwad morons won't change their addresses with all these catalogs. So I now get 2-3 catalogs every day from fucking Mail Order Teddy Bear Express and fucking Two Useless Gadgets Combined Into One Superstore. Anybody who ever gets any catalog is a fucking dick tree-killer moron time-waster with bad life skills and priorities. Hello, have you heard of the fucking internet !? Stop getting catalogs.

4 comments:

800poundgames said...

One of things I loved about my VW GTI was the deflection buttons. Sure they have you the full clicking action for hard turns, but for changing lanes, tapping the indicator to get 3 blinks is one of the best things since sliced bread

Sly said...

800poundgames: don't you know sliced bread sux ? :)

cbloom said...

Lol yeah I forgot I'm trying to make "worst thing since sliced bread" an expression.

Also, you could do deflection lane change blinks just fine with older stateful blinkers, you just hold them up a second.

And blinking on lane changes is a sucker move. It just lets the enemy know what you're intending and gives them a chance to box you out. Much better to use the element of surprise.

Thatcher Ulrich said...

The Melitta redesign will probably win an IDEA award.

It must be awful to be a good industrial designer, having to share a profession with with so many pretentious douchebags.

old rants