Anyway, feeling great, I went to check out Carkeek park. It's kind of a ghetto park and the tiny beach gets very crowded on a nice day, but the view across the sound to the Olympic Mountains is pretty great. It was hazy today, but I bet on a clear day the sunset is spectacular (Spanish style : spectacularrrrr , or Pirate style : spectacul-yarr). Anyway, on the beach there was this absurdly hot chick hoola hooping in a bikini; that's just cruel, it was that slow sensual hoola hooping, like she was giving the air a lap dance. All around were cute little kids playing and laughing. It all made me really depressed. Leaving my house is almost always a bad idea. Seeing people who have what I want but cannot get is so depressing. It's kind of like watching documentaries about starving africans and genital mutilation and shit like that - yes, I know that all happens and it's fucking awful, but I really don't need to sit and watch a big show about it, it's just going to make me depressed. Some of my more nerdy friends seem to have found a path to peace in life by just not going outside. I mean they go outside in a literal sense, but the outside world with its fun and children and sex and laughter is just completely across a line that they don't cross or even think of crossing; that's sort of horrible, but it also simplifies things a lot. Certainly if you know there's something that you can never have, it's foolish to pine over it endlessly, just move on and make your life about something you can have.
There's this Norman Mailer quote that I put on my own blog long ago, something along the lines of "I achieved happiness in my old age because I stopped trying to be what I'm not". That true, but it's also trite. The hard thing is not realizing that fighting against things you cannot be will make you unhappy - it's about deciding which specific things are things you can never have (and thus should just give up on and cut out of your life). and which are things that are hard for you but worth fighting for (in which case giving up is cowardly and self-destructive).
I got my new bike in the mail :
I stripped every component off it so it's naked. I'm waiting for all my replacement mail order components to show up now. It occurred to me the other day that I am literally having a bicycle shipped to me in the mail one piece at a time. It's quite ridiculous. Sadly, when I took apart the headset I found the races were badly pitted. Changing the races is one of the few jobs you can't really do at home, so the bike is now in the shop getting a new headset. (for example, here's an really amazing page on how to change a headset , and here at Dave Moulton's great blog is a crazy page on how to change your headset at home - that guy is fucking nuts, just take it to a shop). To appease my sudden urge to work on bikes, I overhauled my Litespeed, took it all apart, washed it with soap and degreaser, then put it back together and regreased everything. It was fun and it's clean as a whistle now and runs smooth and quiet; a lot of the little hitches and noises on an old bike are just caused by crud stuck in the drivetrain. I'm worried that my sudden burt of enthusiasm for bike building may wane by the time I have everything I need. It's very important for me to be able to pursue ideas immediately when I have the energy for them, and to not have too many different balls in the air at the same time.
In other news : vegetarians and dogs are fucking killing me. The type of girl I like is liberal, into food and nature and gardening and hippie shit like that, the outdoors, hiking, camping. Well, that portion of the population also happens to be dominated by fucking vegetarians and fucking dog owners. Vegetarians don't bother me if they're not in my life, but I can't date one; food and cooking is just way too important to me. And dogs - I don't understand why people think it's okay to let filthy animals into their homes. They lick you and get that stinky slobber all over you (the dogs, not the girls). I'm perfectly happy to play with a dog at a park when I'm getting dirty anyway, but I don't want one in my home, and I'm literally terrified to sit on the furniture in a dog owner's house. Blurg. Oh, and a lot of people smoke up here; one of the many nice things about SF is that basically nobody smokes so you don't even have to worry about whether someone you meet is a smoker or not; in fact I completely forgot that it was an issue. And huge gross tattoos and piercings are very common up here too. Double blurg.
Also, I'm infuriated by relationship advice from people who married their high school sweetheart or someone they met in college. Good for you, I'm happy for you, you got lucky early on, but you don't know the first god damn thing about adult dating or meeting people, so just shut the fuck up. One of the worst pieces of advice is "just do the things you love and meet someone naturally that way". Retarded bullshit. The things I love are pretty much all solitary, since I fucking hate people. The actual good advice is something more like "do something social involving others that is sort of vaguely related to one of your interests that you think only people similar to you would do". So like I guess I could go on some group bike rides even though I fucking hate group riding, or I could go do some fitness classes or something even though I fucking hate fitness classes. Blurg.
It's 80 degrees here now and my laptop fan is really angry. It's running at top speed all the time. Next week it's going to be 90 here. I might have to buy an air conditioner, or just stay off the computer, or it's gonna melt. The other day my laptop turned itself on inside my laptop bag; I guess it opened a crack or something; when I got home from work and unzipped the bag I found the fans running in overdrive in vain as the bag is quite thickly padded and sealed; the poor lappy was scalding hot to the touch. Definitely a concern. Personally I fucking despise the fact that lappies tie their power state to the screen being open or closed; on every lappy I've ever seen, that switch becomes flaky. I would way rather have a big hard switch for on/off (really asleep/awake).
ADDENDUM : I caved and bought an air conditioner. In a way I like that my apartment basically has no climate control - no ac, terrible heat, windows that are hardly there - it forces me to really experience the seasons; I was freezing in winter and had to get under the blankets and cuddle with a warm body and bake lots of gratins; now in the summer I have to get naked and spray water mist around the room and get outside to the park to try to get some breeze. In another more practical way, it sucks balls.