6/19/2009

06-19-09 - Apartment Codewords

"Modern" = shitty faux-modernist from the 70's with aluminum windows and beige carpet and particle board kitchen cabinets.

"Amenities" = a closet off the lobby has a stairmaster in it.

"Turn of the century Classic" / "vintage" / etc = run down, peeling paint, cracked windows, original wood-burning stove, etc.

"Heat maintained for all resident's comfort" = heat not run at all ever so the landlord can make more money.

"Vibrant community" = Noisy white trash neighbors hang out right outside your window.

"Act fast / rare opportunity / don't wait!" = this has been listed for 6 months and nobody wants it, please please be the sucker who takes it.

"Proximity to downtown / near businesses" = way the fuck out in some neighborhood you've never heard of.

"Great location" = more often than not I'm finding this means it's located directly on I-5 ; "West facing" means the same thing.

"View view view" = everything about this place is so shitty we want you to focus on what's outside.

2 comments:

Aaron said...

Nice. Ever seen this? http://freakonomicsbook.com/thebook/ch2.html

Five Terms Correlated to a Higher Sales Price:
Granite
State-of-the-Art
Corian
Maple
Gourmet

Five Terms Correlated to a Lower Sales Price:
Fantastic
Spacious
!
Charming
Great Neighborhood

cbloom said...

Maybe I should actually read that book. Hard to get excited about since I've read so many articles by that guy doing exactly the same thing. I feel like most of his stuff stays on the level of "isn't that cute" rather than actually getting into the meat of a topic.

old rants