"Amenities" = a closet off the lobby has a stairmaster in it.
"Turn of the century Classic" / "vintage" / etc = run down, peeling paint, cracked windows, original wood-burning stove, etc.
"Heat maintained for all resident's comfort" = heat not run at all ever so the landlord can make more money.
"Vibrant community" = Noisy white trash neighbors hang out right outside your window.
"Act fast / rare opportunity / don't wait!" = this has been listed for 6 months and nobody wants it, please please be the sucker who takes it.
"Proximity to downtown / near businesses" = way the fuck out in some neighborhood you've never heard of.
"Great location" = more often than not I'm finding this means it's located directly on I-5 ; "West facing" means the same thing.
"View view view" = everything about this place is so shitty we want you to focus on what's outside.