Upstairs neighbor is playing furniture moving today. I think he might be practicing for the World's Strongest Man competition, you know lifting furniture over his head and then dropping it on the floor. Sometimes I think he's bowling up there. He amazing seems to both wake up at 6 AM and stay up until 2 AM. Most of the 2 AM and 3 AM furniture dragging has stopped since I talked to him, but last week he woke me up at 2 AM with some dragging and dropping. The dude is like a hundred pounds but he stomps like Godzilla.
The house nextdoor to us has this outside light that comes on at night ; it shines on my bedroom window right next to my head and it's literally brighter than the sun here (not hard to do since the sun is basically never visible). I go from bleak dark gray day to a night time of slams and bangs and drags and a bright light in my face in bed. My body's clock is running upside down and backward.
The traffic last week was some of the worst I've seen anywhere ever, largely because of lots of flooding and road closures related to the weather. It took me about an hour to get home several times - and that was leaving work at 3:00 to try to avoid the worst of it. Commuting in the rain is just excruciating. It's hard to see, people are driving like fuck-tards as usual, they do ass-licking moves like slam on the brakes for no reason or drive right beside me for no reason so I'm constantly stressed out trying to get away from people. Some of the days I would be 10 minutes into the trip and it would be all dark and rainy and trafficy out and knowing that was another 30+ minutes of this would just make me want to cry. It's the knowing you have to just sit and get through it that kills me. And then every single night of every single day I know I have to get up in the morning and do it again. Anyway, traffic and commuting in the rain can blow me.
I made a huge mistake deciding to live on the west side, apparently, I should've rented a house right near work. I knew if I did that I would never go out and I would be bored, but I never go out anyway and I'm just miserable commuting.
I hate the way I wake up with all kinds of ideas of stuff to do in the code, feeling excited, and by the time I get to work my brain is full of nothing but "fuck you, fucking retard, god damn it, fuck fuck, stupid dick get off the fucking road, jesus christ you fucking retard". It's really not a healthy state to be in and it kills all my enthusiasm for the day. One of the main times I find myself screaming here is any time there's a merge. My god I have never seen a population which is so collectively bad at merging. People will literally come to a complete stop on freeway onramps right next to the traffic. Not only does this completely fuck up the flow of the right lane and make the whole merge traffic scenario much worse, god help you if you're stuck behind one of these retards - you find yourself at a complete stop on the onramp. I'm now leaving tons and tons of space in front of me when I get on onramps - like I will actually just come to a stop at the beginning of the onramp and wait for the fuck-head in front of me to get on the freeway before I even start my approach, so that I can be sure I can do it smoothly. Still I often find myself yelling "fucking merge! don't fucking brake you fucking cock, don't you dare fucking stop on the onramp!".
Some days I feel like it's all I can do to shower, eat breakfast, get dressed, commute, eat lunch, try to stretch a little or at least go for a walk, shave, commute home, eat dinner. Ugh. That was an exhausting day. Oh wait, I need to actually get some work done too !? And of course there's a million other fucking things on my todo list that just all seem like too much like exercise, fix shoulder, eye doc, need dentist, shave, clean house, practice guitar, be nice to girlfriend, etc. Fuck that shit.
I literally don't understand how all the stupid suckers out there do it. Most people live in disgusting housing out in the fucking styx and commute for hours in shitty cars, do horrible jobs like wash dishes or telemarket, commute again, they have to work sucker hours that puts them right in rush hour, they eat some shitty frozen dinner, they're fat and ugly and have no talents, what the fuck are you living for? how do you do it? My god.
I have a very thin connection to the ordinary way of life. Like if I had to be a factory worker in the industrial revolution or something like that I would either kill my self or become an outlaw or a gambler or move to the South Seas and become a pirate or something. I've never believed in the "honor" of slogging through a miserable life. It's just stupid and weak, it's not "respectable" to muddle through a miserable job for 40 years.
(I think I've picked up saying "literally" way too much from David Mitchell. He can literally just add the word "literally" to anything and it becomes funny).
ADDENDUM : ARG! WTF ARE YOU DOING! Quit dragging shit around on the floor above me and dropping shit and stomping around. My fucking god I'm going to stab you with a spoon!
Some times late at night I like to check the traffic flow map page just so I can see it be all green. MMmmm green.