07-25-08 - 3

I often try to "let things slide" because I figure the trouble of getting all annoyed and getting in a confrontation is greater than just suffering through the infraction. I think in theory that's actually true, the pain caused by most of these little sins is not really that great, they don't really hurt your day that much, and the way I get all in a huff and get all riled up by confrontations does in fact screw up my day a lot. The problem is that I can't just let things slide. It eats at me in various ways. First I sit and fume about what they're doing and debate with myself whether or not I should confront them. Then, if I choose not to confront, I sit and fume about the fact that they got away with it and what shits people are, and then I also get mad at myself for being such a pussy and letting them get away with it. This self-anger at saying nothing can linger for a long time, which is a pretty bad price to pay.

Of course this fantasy that confrontation would somehow make it all better isn't real either. I've gotten into a few confrontations recently and they rarely satisfy, you just get all angry yelling at the person, and they aren't apologetic or anything for being an ass, and you can't do anything about it, so you feel just as frustrated and the anger lingers just like if you did nothing.

The best thing to do, (as Thatcher recently wrote), is to immediately say something in a casual joking way, like when someone tries to cut in line, say "hey, nice try cutting there, I like your moxy, better luck next time" or I dunno, something better that someone less awkward than me would say.

Recently I've been often in the gloom about wanting to do something and not doing it. I don't think that doing it is actually any better, but you kind of have to just do it so that you can feel okay about yourself, and so you can be a person who does it. Is that vague enough?

I wish we could just cold-cock somebody who's being an ass the way that childish macho fantasy character on Californication does.