7/03/2008

07-03-08 - 3

Low Carb Friends is a forum for disgusting lazy fat old women to discuss horrible foods that have slightly less sugar, and generally just be slovenly and have bad taste and be lazy and love fast food. America is full of revolting semi-human organisms.

The new Dove commercials make me want to puke. The old ones were the ones that just showed semi-naked fat chicks to advertise Dove products. Okay, whatever, that's fine. But it's pretty disingenuous and manipulative; the reality is you're selling products based on making people feel like they need your products to be beautiful, rather than actually do what it takes to get attractive, they hope it's in a tube and that's how Dove makes money. It reminds me of the old Sprite adds where they would say "don't listen to some advertisement, don't trust a celebrity, obey your thrist, drink Sprite!" ; ummm... you do realize that you're advertising Sprite to me, right? so you're disparaging yourself? and you are a celebrity hawking this product? (it was usually some basketball player).

Anyway, that's the old Dove adds. The new one is about their program of seminars for children to help little girls build self esteem and think of themselves as beautiful. They show this kid reading the line "I promise to think of myself as beautiful every day". Dear god I hope not. You'll grow up to be one of those ugly fatties that wears spandex and a sports bra to walk around Las Vegas because she has no concept of how revolting she is. Or maybe one of those "sassy" girls that does burlesque because she's "big and beautiful" ; well you are big, that part is true...

The vast majority of people are ugly. That's just by definition. The way we define hotness is relative to the average, so by definition something like the top 5% are "hot". It's just the same way with wealth; it doesn't matter how many dollars you have, it's relative to how well others are doing, only the top 5% are "rich".

The message to all the hopelessly ugly girls out there should not be that they are somehow beautiful. It should be that beauty isn't everything. Hey, you're ugly. Tough shit, move on. You might still manage to be funny or smart or kind or have some other redeeming feature. The problem with these girls is that their self-worth is 100% wrapped up in being cute, and when they fail to be cute they're crushed. But no, you are not beautiful, and you should stop buying Dove shit and hoping and pretending that you are beautiful.

Oh, and BTW, it doesn't matter how smart or self-confident you are, guys will always just want the hottie, and they'll make you feel bad, and the hot chick will get all the breaks, easier access to everything, tons of favors. Better start building a deep well of bitterness.

Aside : Hock vs. Hawk (verb). To sell is "hawking your wares". To spit and cough is to "hawk a loogie". To sell something to a pawnbroker is to "hock". Basically it's always "hawk" unless you're talking about pawning or the ankle of a quadruped.

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old rants