6/21/2008

06-21-08 - 2

When I'm depressed I like to hole up at home and watch TV and eat garbage. Some people go out and get drunk and have sex with strangers. It's basically the same feeling that leads to both behaviors, and both give you a similar sort of temporary shot of happiness which rapidly turns into regret and self-loathing. I really can't relate to the other behavior, when I'm depressed I feel like a rotten turd, and I feel like I'm transparent, everyone can see right into my soul and can tell that I'm a loser and a coward and a jerk, and I just want to hide. In any case, as much as I can never imagine doing the more social destructive behavior, I envy people who do. It has a slightly higher health risk due to STD's, but it has a lot of side benefits. It gives you funny stories to tell at parties. It gives you familiarity with the sexual quirks of lots of different people. It lets you experiment with social interactions. It gives you a sort of feeling of superiority or "bragging rights" due to all the sex you've had; it makes things that are intimidating to the hermits very commonplace for you.

Last night was another intense short heat wave; I've written before about how the city goes nuts on a hot night. It makes me feel very alone. Slutty neighbor got home around midnight with a cute young blond boy. I was happy to see that she was satisfying her need for male approval with someone who at least looked half decent, it made me sad when I saw the 45 year old short bald guy leave her place.

It occurs to me that just going out and getting HPV and Herpes would be sort of liberating, because after that you really don't have to worry much about STDs any more. I mean Syphilis and Gonorrhea and Chlamydia all suck, but are easily cured and pretty rare, you just take antibiotics, no biggie. HPV and Herpes sure they sort of suck but for 99% of people who get them they're very mild, just like having some pimples. The only thing left is AIDS, but the big secret is that AIDS is actually very rare (in the US, among wealthy white heterosexuals) and especially for men the rate of transmission is very low, even without a condom. So if you just go ahead and get yourself the Two H's you really don't have to sweat STDs any more, just use a condom and go nuts.

BTW you should never end your acronym with an S.

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