5/19/2008

05-19-08 - 2

I have a little bit of a bingeing problem. It happens sometimes with booze, but it's not that I have an alcohol problem, I have an *everything* problem. Certainly chocolate, also almonds, bacon, pornography, steak. Anything self indulgent and bad for me, I can't keep in my house. 99% of the time I have control and don't over-indulge, but every once in a while something releases in me and I will quickly consume absolutely bad in my house. Usually it's at night after dinner when I'm bored. I don't think it even necessarilly has to do with depression, I've done it some times after very good days.

Anyway, it's something I know about myself and I can manage it by just never having those things in my house in significant quantities, so I can't ever do too much damage to myself. When I'm in that bad state, if I have to make the effort of actually going to the store to self-destruct I can usually control that and convince myself not to.

It is a pain in the ass, though. It means I can never have a well stocked bar. I can only buy booze in small quantities so that I don't have a big stock on hand. The same goes for chocolate, I can never buy bulk chocolate, and in fact I can't even keep baking chocolate in my pantry because I'll bake something bad. I have go out and buy supplies each time I want to bake something.

Lately I've picked up a problem with almonds. I'd like to be able to eat nuts as part of my diet, they're very good for you in reasonable quantities, but lately if I buy almonds I eat the whole bag in a day or two which is not a reasonable quantity.

Maybe I could get one of those machines for old people with Alzheimers where you put in the week's worth of drugs then it locks and you get fed your daily ration on a timer.

I have a lot of sympathy for people with mental flaws. However, I do not have sympathy for people who don't try to control or minimize their mental flaws. Even if you can't actually fix what's broken around you there are always ways to minimize the amount of damage the flaw can do.

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