05-15-08 - 1

When people close to me are down, it really brings me down. I wish I could cheer them up, sometimes I try a little bit, but when I try to be up and they just go "bleck, fuck you" I get discouraged and give up. It's my own problem, my fear of rejection, my insecurity, I should be able to take the first rebuff and just keep trying and eventually it will work, but I can't, and it puts me in the pits, and the pits lasts for days with me.

In general in life I'm torn about trying to fight my natural self, or to accomodate it and tailor my life to make it work. eg. knowing that little rejections can send me into 3 days of depression, should I just put myself out anyway and try to fight my immature natural tendancy and be better, or should I just accept that that's the way I am, and do what I need to do in order to avoid putting myself in the bad situation in the first place.

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old rants