9/20/2007

09-20-07 - 1

Everyone who said "Casino Royale" was cool because it's a superhero genesis story is fucking retarded. Superhero transformation stories may have been cool back in the 80's, but they're so fucking played out and all the same and not interesting. And now we get to see all these heros that already have fucking genesis stories get ANOTHER FUCKING GENESIS STORY. I mean fucking Batman is nothing but fucking remakes of genesis stories over and over. Fucking Superman has whole fucking TV shows about his transformation to superhero. Also making Bond more "edgy" is not cool. It's fucking copying every other action movie which is getting more "gritty", which basically means that the hero is becoming more of emotionless and brutally violent and uninteresting. The thing that made Bond so unique and cool was his charm, his sort of amusement with himself and the whole situation, how light-heartedly he took danger, women, and killing. You've turned him into a clone of the current fucking trend. Okay, that's what I expect from stupid fucking Hollywood but the dumb ass critics don't have to all jump on and say how great it is. Other than that aspect, the story is retarded and the pacing is awful, we get overly long action sequences that don't build intensity, followed by really long boring talkies, and bits where we think the movie is over and then it just goes on. The villains are as uninteresting as Bond and his love interest. Eva Green's only redeeming quality is her rack and we don't even get to see it. I'm all for breaking the Bond "rules" and updating some of the quite silly out of date Bondisms for the modern world, but you don't have to ruin everything that makes you unique. You also don't have to just make a badly written & directed movie.

Just as an example, let's think about the two big action sequences in the movie. The second one with the house in Venice, I'm not even sure what to say about, at that point we already know exactly what is going to happen, this new villain who's the boss guy we know nothing about which makes him totally boring, and it's not exciting. Okay, the first one chasing the African terrorist guy. Now, hiring a Parkour expert to do some city running is a good idea, but they completely fuck it up. First of all, the whole thing is completely retarded, the guy who knows the area flees up a skyscraper under construction, WTF, then he goes up a crane. Eye roll. Even that would be okay, but the camera work is so ridiculous and showy that it doesnt even get the adrenaline running, we get cut after cut of panning shots and fly-bys trying to show us the amazing spots they're in. Ugh, hello, action directing 101, that totally destroys the immersion which ruins the adrenaline. We need 1st person or behind-the-head shots where suddenly their foot slips on the crane and they look down and we see how high they are. Of course they shouldn't be on a fucking crane anyway, but if you're gonna be retarded at least make it fun!

How/why is it so fucking hard to make a decent movie with hot women, smart spies, fast car chases, glamorous locations, cool gadgets, etc. We just want a decent FUN movie. Oh, and you don't need to make the "hero" a despicable cold-hearted brutal immoral killer either, it would be nice if it was someone we could actually respect/idolize.

On a related note, we really liked the latest Bourne movie, so much so that we decided to rent the first two to watch again. Bad idea. After seeing the later ones, the first one is really bad. The 2nd one is okay I guess, but it is SO similar to the 3rd, the whole pacing and structure and everything is identical, if you sort of zoned out you wouldn't know which one you were watching. BTW yes I know the Bourne movies are completely intellectually retarded, they try to make Bourne the "smart" super-spy, but everything everyone does is just so absurd and illogical, whatever it doesn't matter, it's a stupid action movie and the action is good. It does make me roll my eyes when people try to discuss the meaning of this or that; lol, people it's RETARDED, if you spot an inconsitency it's not because it means something, it's because the director/writer is making an action movie and doesn't care. I'm so sick of reviewers like A.O. Scott calling it a brainy CIA cloak and dagger movie. It isn't! It's a HORRIBLE brainy CIA movie, it has absolutely nothing in common with what spy agencies actually do. The CIA character in James Bond movies is more realistic. It's a straight-up violent action movie and a very good one.

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