09-16-07 - 2

I'm in intense pain, my shoulder, my neck, my upper back, my lower back. There's no position I'm comfortable in, not sitting, not standing, not lying down. I can't sleep; I toss and turn all night every night trying to find a position without pain, but it doesn't exist. All my younger life I slept on my stomache and I still try to do that subconsciously but it's too painful now, I have to try to sleep on my back which I hate. Stretching and good posture really do nothing at all to help the pain in the short term, I guess over time they help. The only thing that really helps is cracking my joints, because that triggers the body's natural adrenaline pain-killing response, and it feels okay for a while, but of course that's actually bad for you long term. I don't mean to whine, I'm just trying to chronicle what life in pain is like for those that don't understand it. There are really no medical solutions; the main options I've been offered are fusing vertebrae, which is of questionable benefit and has very definite disadvantages, and epidural painkillers, which would help the pain of course but has to be repeated periodically, is ridiculously expensive, and of course doesn't fix anything and can lead to further injury because it totally numbs the area.

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