12/09/2004

12-09-04 - 1

12-09-04

I find myself more and more boring every day. I say things that are pretty reasonable, and reasonable things are bland. It's much more fun to say things that are extreme, ridiculous, not true, but controversial. I used to say offensive extreme things, that I basically believe to be true - like Republicans are corrupt, cheap people are fools, the Bible is fiction, etc. etc. Now, I find that lots of people that I really like would be offended by those comments, so I don't make them. I used to think that if you were dumb enough to be offended by something stupid like that, then fuck you; now I know that good people are rare, and they usually have many flaws, and driving them away does no good. So, I find myself unable to say anything interesting. I'm also crippled by having thought about almost every subject extensively; I don't mean to brag, it's just that I spend every waking moment in thought on all sorts of subjects, so almost anything that someone says to me, I've already thought of. It makes it really tough to have a conversation with someone. Of course, in those cases that I meet someone who's really done some deep thinking on issues that I haven't mastered, like at Game-Tech recently, I crave their wisdom, I want to drink deeply from the fountain of their thoughts, like a man who's been lost in the desert these many months.

Being a geek is really stupid. Did you hang out with other geeks in high school, play computer games and D&D ? Yeah, maybe we went to good colleges, maybe we have good jobs now, are we happy? We like to pretend we're so smart and superior to the "jocks", but they were out there living life, having fun - the whole point of life is to maximize your total enjoyment - we have failed miserably. Being a geek is really dumb.

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